This weekend has been rough for me because yesterday marked the third year since my father passed away suddenly and unexpectedly, not long after my birthday.
My mother is a practising Catholic, so she set up a mass at the local church to be dedicated to my dad. I went, but my brother and sister-in-law didn’t go.
To me, it’s weird to have memorials. I like to celebrate life, not remember the day my dad passed away. So, although it may sound really weird, when my dad’s birthday rolls around, I visit him at the cemetery and wish him a happy birthday. March 2 (the day he passed away) is a day that I’d rather not commemorate.
I can’t believe it’s already been 3 years. It still feels fresh to me. And, for 3 years, I’ve kept a photo of my father on my cell phone as the wallpaper. (When I meet new friends and they see the photo on my phone, they always ask who it is. I guess not many people my age have a photo of an old man as their wallpaper…haha!)
When I think really long and hard about ‘losing’ my father, I feel a lot of anxiety knowing that I only have one parent left. Like everyone, she’s getting older. And it scares me a great deal knowing that one day, she’ll also meet her maker. Yes, I have friends, so I won’t be alone, but it’s just not the same bond that you have with a parent.
Ever since I moved away from home, I’ve been going to visit every single Sunday. It’s really important to me. And now that only my mom’s left, I feel an even stronger urge to make sure I continue visiting every Sunday. (My brother rarely visits her, so I feel like if I don’t go see her as often as I do, she’d be alone. Being alone and not feeling loved is the worst form of torture, in my opinion.)
I feel very blessed for having two parents. Some people don’t have the luxury of that, or they may have never even met their biological parents. I’m also grateful that my parents are amazing, and that I had a very happy childhood because of them. Even though they were really stressed out, things weren’t perfect, and finances were terrible, somehow, my parents managed to make little Mary feel like everything was rosy. That takes a lot of strength, and I appreciate it.
You know…my dad used to say that he’d wait for me at the pearly gates of Heaven. But I told him not to and that he should go in and enjoy it. Hehe, then he said he’d go in and make sure that everything was in order by the time I arrived. 🙂 I hope I make it into Heaven!
Do you believe in the afterlife?
I know some people who don’t, but I am a strong believer in Heaven. Sure, I can’t know for certain that it exists, but I need it to be real.
I’m not super religious, but I just can’t fathom living without Heaven. If that were the case, it would mean my dad is really gone. I can’t accept that. It comforts me a great deal thinking that he’s up there in Heaven and that one day we’ll possibly be reunited. It gives me hope and the strength to continue living.
This short blog post wasn’t easy for me to write, but I feel a strong need to show this side of me. Most of the time, you only get to see the happy side. Yes, I have a mostly happy spirit, but the other side is just as important to express. Why? It’s a reminder that happiness doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. I never want you to think that I’m perfect or that my life is perfect. Nobody’s perfect, and I think it’s dangerous to try to be.
I once read a great quotation somewhere on Twitter. It said something like this:
Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect.
Being happy means that you’ve decided to overlook the imperfections.
That’s definitely one of my life philosophies, and I’m using this post to remind everyone (including myself) of this powerful and important message that sometimes gets lost.
Note: The photo in this post is a picture I took with my iPhone of the sky one day. I originally uploaded it to Instagram.
It is a hard post and I can imagine is hard.Hope u can feel some comfort.
Hey Icequeen81!
I feel some comfort. The pain is still there, but through the years, I’ve discovered some ways to alleviate the pain. Blogging is one of the avenues I turn to regularly because it really helps me stay positive.
I am so sorry for your loss Mary! Your thoughts resonated with me even more because I have a very loving dad, really the best (all my friends even guy friends love him, seriously at times my guy friends call him up just to have a chat with my dad lol), and I can’t imagine not having him around. You were lucky to have had those years with your dad and one day you’ll see him again 🙂
Stella (Ex Libris) recently posted: Getting to Know the Best Man and His Bride to Be… by Kristan Higgins + Giveaway
Hey Stella!
Wow, your father definitely sounds like quite a guy! He seems like the kind of person who’s a great parent, but who can also be a friend. That’s no easy task, and I always admire people who can walk that line! I think it’s really cool how your guy friends even call him to chat – your dad definitely sounds like he’s super friendly and cool to be around!
Appreciate the time you have with him. Like children, parents are also a huge blessing.
I like your blog post to day, it contains many wise and thoughtful words. Amongst many this really got to me : “Nobody’s perfect, and I think it’s dangerous to try to be.”
I think I spend a lot of time to try to be perfect, to my self and to my own standard (Not to what other think’s though). That seldom works, it’s always possible to make things better, faster, be better, be more intelligent, be more talkative and more interesting and all that. It’s hard for me to accept my limits, it has always been all or nothing, and none of them is especially helpful, sometime a middle way would be best and to be content with that I guess.
I think it’s nice of you to visit your mother. I don’t see my parents so often that I would wish for because the distance is a 8 hours one way trip. Both are alive but it sure worries me that they are getting older and that one day they wont be around. That’s life of cause but that doesn’t mean that it’s easy.
I hope you’ll have a nice day despite all Mary! 🙂
Gelic’ nail art recently posted: Double gradient mesh in yellow, pink, green and blue
Hey Gelic’ Nail Art!
I’m glad that my words touched you. Although I love blogging about beauty products, I feel a strong desire to also share my life philosophies with readers. Whether or not they agree with them is up to readers, but I need to get it out.
You know, there was a time when I was in grade school where I tried so hard to be perfect in every way – academics, appearance, personality, etc. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself (that’s a very good goal), but I think the problem is when we start to think that we WILL be perfect one day. I push myself to continually improve, but I do it with the knowledge that I will always have flaws and that sometimes I will fail, even when I try my hardest. I’ve accepted my imperfections, and as a result, I’ve found that I lead a happier life than I used to.
It’s amazing how just changing the perspective can make you happier about your life’s situation. The mind is a very powerful tool!
Aww, Mary! I’m so sorry. My fiance lost his father in September 2011 and then I lost my step-brother on Easter last year, both very unexpected. I’ve been very panicky since then about losing more people so I go to therapy every other week. I’ve never hoped so hard that Heaven really exists than I do now and we’ll be reunited with our loved ones.
Karrie recently posted: Sweet Sensations Flowers
Hey Karrie!
Wow, I’m very sorry to hear about that! I really feel for you and your fiance. Losing loved ones unexpectedly is verrrrry difficult. Sure, losing anyone is hard, but it’s a different sort of pain you feel when you had them there one day, and the next they’re gone. Not being able to say goodbye leads to problems with closure that I feel we all need.
I’m glad that you’ve decided to go to therapy to help you cope. I haven’t went to therapy, although I have considered it on numerous occasions. Maybe one day, I will. For now, I’m trying to keep very busy with work, a social life, my blog, and hobbies like knitting and painting my nails. All of these efforts have helped me cope in healthy and productive ways.
Continue to be strong, Karrie!
HI mary, this post was very emotional and the father’s day one made me cry.
my dad was diagnosed with cancer almost 2 years ago, and for a year, we really had a bad time with surgery, then radiotherapy. it was hard and difficult in all of us.
i never talk about how hard it was with anyone, because you know, you need to be strong and positive, but i was feeling so sad inside.
it is so good when you talk things out, it makes you feel like you take something out of your shoulders. i think it is a great thing you visit your mom every sunday, i’m sure that that time with you is the highlight of her week, being alone by herself is not easy.
is like, parents have children and raise them with all the love they have, and when the time comes, they hope to receive the same from their children, now the time has come and you’re giving back and I know your mom really appreciates the time you spend together.
thanks for sharing this personal post with us.
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Hey Maria Emma!
When I wrote that Father’s Day blog post, I actually was bawling my eyes out. I had to walk away from the computer many times to compose myself. That was one of the hardest posts to write.
Today’s post was also difficult, but less painful, thankfully.
Yes, definitely blogging about it and talking to friends and my family about all this helps to alleviate a lot of pain and worries I have. But I try not to talk about it too much because I also know that obsessing over negative things isn’t healthy. I try to keep a balance, and I like talking more about the great things my dad used to do rather than about his death. For me, this keeps his memory alive in an honourable way that I hope makes him proud. He was an amazing person, so he deserves to be recognized.
*HUGS* I can’t even fathom losing my dad yet, so I’ll just answer your question. As a practicing Wiccan for the past 15 or so years I do believe in an afterlife, but I quit believing in “Heaven” long before that. I mean, there are too many differing views on it for me to believe it’s a singular place with a singular set of rules for entry, and if my beloved pets aren’t there (as some people believe) then I wouldn’t want to be there anyway. I’m pretty open-ended on what happens ‘after’. I believe in reincarnation and ghosts and if there’s a place of eternal rest for good people, sure why not? It’s hard to not really want to believe that at some point good people are rewarded and bad people are punished. Just kind of messed up that in so many cases it’s a “they’ll get theirs after death” kind of deal.
Lizzy recently posted: Sinful Colors: Hazard & Last Chance
Hey Lizzy!
Thank you for the hug! 🙂 It always feels great to know that people care. After my father passed away, unfortunately, I learned who my real friends were. That experience was also hard because it added more ‘shock’ on top of the shock of my father no longer being here. But I’m grateful. It helped me do some weeding, and now the people I surround myself with are the ones that have heart. To me, that’s more important than anything else. A person doesn’t have to be book-smart or rich…If a person has soul and a loving spirit, that’s my favourite kind of friend to keep for a lifetime.
I’d like to believe that our pets also go to Heaven. I just imagine it to be a happy place where people (and animals) are at peace.
I also believe in ghosts, but I’m undecided on reincarnations. I’ve heard very convincing stories, but I can’t wrap my mind around it completely. Maybe it’s being reincarnation scares me a bit.
Given the progression of world affairs I’m a bit scared of being reincarnated as well. :/ Some say it’s a choice we make, some say we even choose our next life. I figure we’ll all find out one way or another. Sorry you had to go through so much at once, but at least something good came out of it in the end. 🙂
Lizzy recently posted: Hard Candy: Cocoa Smore & Jubilee!
I’m so curious about what that moment’s going to be like…when we find out exactly what happens when we die. Will the lights just go out and that’s the end, or will we move onto something greater? (I really hope there’s a Heaven and that people are at peace finally.) To me, reincarnation doesn’t really let people go in peace because in the next life, they may have memory remnants of their previous life that could psychologically affect them…Of course, this is just my speculation. I can’t know for sure.
And you’re right – something good came out of the tragedy. I learned how to be a much stronger and more independent person. Before, I was very dependant and insecure.
Hello Mary,
I want to congratulate you on the courage it took to write this post. I can’t imagine how hard it was. I lost my father in a car accident many years ago and I believe he has been reincarnated to another life. When I think about him I remember all the love we had in our family and It now makes me happy more than sad. I wish you more courage.
Hey @messy_manis!
Oh no – I’m sorry to hear about your father. That’s really hard to deal with. I pray that you and your family continues to get stronger and closer.
Mary, I’ve been enjoying your blog and nails for quite a while … but today your post spoke to me. I, too, am without my Dad and it’s so tough. I think if we’re lucky our parents are our foundation, so we feel safe and stable in life. When we lose a parent, that foundation cracks a bit and suddenly the realization hits that we will eventually lose our other parent. It’s a shock when it happens. It’s been 7 years without my Dad and the pain has lessened but I’ll never stop missing him. All we can do is stand strong, live our lives to the fullest and when in doubt, remember those words of wisdom that our fathers would say to us. That way we can carry our Dad’s wisdom and love with us forever. Know that you’re not alone … we all walk down this path in life and loss eventually. I’m an only child, so I had to stand strong and help my mother with the huge changes in her life when she was widowed. I also had to learn to stand back and let her make her decisions and choices for the very first time ever, and she’s doing well. I call her every night and she’s like a super best friend. We both miss him and we always will. He’s in our thoughts and conversations all the time and usually with humor and comments of “what would he say about ….” ! (LOL) I see him in my dreams here and there, so it’s like he’s still visiting me and that brings me comfort. I know he’s still here and watching out for me while he’s also enjoying Heaven and a much deserved rest from this crazy life.
Wishing you well and sending you hugs – know you’re not alone. Hugs and peace …
Hey Debbie!
You’re so right. Having parents really sets the foundation from an early age. And then when something shakes that up, it’s a very scary thing. I don’t think anyone really understands that feeling until they lose a parent. (Before my father passed away, when I heard about others ‘losing’ a parent, I tried to imagine what it must be like, but it was like a sliver compared to the pain I felt when I ‘lost’ my father.)
People who still have their parents even when they’re much older are so blessed/lucky! Parents are your roots…whether or not you get along with them, they’re still blood-related, which is different than the bond you ever have with anyone else.
You’ve given me more hope. Thanks for leaving me the comment and for sharing your story with me. I also hope that one day the pain I feel with lessen. I thought that I’d feel better already, though, because it’s been 3 years, but tears still well up when I talk about his passing.
Thank you for reminding me that I’m not alone and that you care. It makes a big difference.
I also hope that you and your family continue to be strong and to help each other feel happy.
Wish I could give you a tight hug right now, well that’ll have to wait till April. I am lucky to still have both my parents, but I’m a single mom and it terrifies me to think about my little girl being by herself one day. Her dad is pretty much useless to give her support, so I do hope there is Heaven so I can get to watch over my daughter (and continue to play with makeup and nail polish) 🙂
Hey Sparkled Beauty!
Thank you for caring! 🙂 And I can’t wait to see you in April!
I’m sorry to hear that the father of your child is absent, but that just means your daughter will look back and appreciate you that much more when she gets older. You’re so strong to raise her on your own, and it’s that strength that will inspire your daughter. I’m sure of it.
This post touched my heart. I’m very sorry for your loss. Sending u a big virtual hug to warm your heart. I’ll pray for you and your Mom.
Hey Palma!
Thank you for caring about me and for your prayers. My mom and I really need them because it’s quite a struggle.